Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
