I CAN MOONWALK!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
