I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
