How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
