She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
