You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
