so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
