i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
