so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
