I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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