It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
