the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
