everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
