i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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