Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
