its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
