You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
