You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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