if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
