Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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