oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
