I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
