This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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