I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
