We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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