You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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