Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
People in love make me want to vomit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
