Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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