My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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