Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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