So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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