Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i drank out of a bidet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
