I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
