meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
