totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
