i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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