my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
