I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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