this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
