i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
