im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
