office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
