do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
