No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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