Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
