I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
