paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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