I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
