He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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