i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
