I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
