ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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